If it is vaguely clear she speaks a plethora of languages, good God, I love her. Decidedly, I have never wished to have sex with these girls; to tie them up and spank their behind or whatever the kids are into these days. Instead, I kill myself to become ‘these girls’.
I have dwindled my life savings to $127 and quit anything unique about me. I sometimes buy a bikini a size smaller to convince myself that I’m in their league– the league of skinny bitches. Maybe I am in the league. Who the hell knows? I just love girls who are heartbreakingly beautiful with their mathematically symmetric faces, cheery cheeks, perfect teeth, and button noses. Nevertheless, my fetish isn’t my life (though it consumes me sometimes for hours). I enjoy other things; I’m not completely shallow:
I like watching documentaries about prostitution, poverty, racism, and close-minded people in the American south. I like conspiracy theories; Reptilian Theory is my favorite and The Illuminati is probably writing this for me. I like pink flowers and grafted cacti. I like changing my name every few years to keep it fresh. I like nail polish colors and organic chemistry. At age 14, I devoted my life to pop-punk. I also like to dream about the future of the human race.
That being said, I have always thought birthing babies to be simultaneously distasteful and great. While it’s always distasteful, it’s not always great– 99% or more of babies turn out to be of no positive consequence to the world. But, it is that less than 1% that turn into legends that makes having babies not completely useless. There is always a slight chance your baby will grow up to be Lana Del Rey (an alcoholic at age 16, and a superstar song writer post rehab) or Dan “Soupy” Campbell (my pop-punk hero).
Regardless of what I think, I suppose we will all keep having babies though–even though most of them will suck. I will probably have one myself. At the very least, my baby can grow up to be a skinny girl with a pretty face and that in itself is a good enough reason for me to support procreation.